Tuesday, November 30, 2010


December 1st, is dedicated to raising awareness of the AIDS pandemic caused by the spread of HIV infection.

HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) is the virus that leads to the disease AIDS (acquired immune deficiency syndrome).

The best thing you can do for you is know your status. If you are HIV negative do everything in your power to remain that way. If you are HIV positive, it is not a death sentence, people are living longer with the virus. Get the proper medical attention, counseling, nutrition and exercise to help fight the virus. Take precaution, protect yourself and others by not spreading the virus.

 Condoms are sold under many brand names. Trojan is one of the popular brands. They come in all sizes from x-small to x-large. Use one each time you have sex. They can protect you if used properly from unwanted pregnancy, HIV virus and other STD's.

 Condoms come in all colors and flavors. If you are allergic to latex condoms, you can use polyurethane. Don't use lambskin condoms as they don't protect against HIV.

 There are female condoms are also available. Using them can sometimes be a pain. You have to make sure to use plenty of lubricant and follow the instructions for proper protection.

 Female condoms don't come in flavors or colors. They are sometimes used by men. (That's another post).

The Dental Dam is a square piece of latex which is also used to provide protection during oral sex.

 The Dental Dam comes in assorted flavors and colors and can purchased at most adult stores. The dams should be used when performing cunnilingus(vaginal oral sex, eating pussy), or during anilingus (anal oral sex, rimming).

 Use finger cots to protect yourself when inserting your finger into the vagina or anus. They can be purchased at your local drug store near the bandages.
 Finger cots protect you and your partner if you have cuts, warts or a rash on your fingers. It is better to use a protected finger when inserted in the vagina looking for the G-spot, and when inserted in a well lubed anus.
 Don't forget to use only water based lubricants when using condoms and sex toys. There are many on the market to choose from.
KY Jelly is a very popular water-based lubricant. Never use baby oil, Vaseline, cooking oil, or olive oil. Oil breaks down the condom and protection is totally compromised.
 Remember STD's  are real. Condoms help protect against Sexually Transmitted Diseases. Such as:
Herpes, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, Hepatitis A,B,&C, Syphilis and HPV. Remember you can't look at someone and tell if they have a disease. Most likely they won't tell you if they are infected. So don't take a chance with your life. Protect yourself!
 My challenge to you is to get tested , know your status and protect yourself.

Queen of Hearts

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


 I give thanks to God for each day I am among the land of the living. I don't need a holiday to remind me to give thanks.I have so much to be thankful for one day would hardly be sufficient. 

The stores go all out and set up elaborate displays to convince you that you need to spend your money on overpriced food, cook a special meal, invite your family over, to show how thankful you are.

I am not anti -Thanksgiving Day. I know that many families look forward to this time of year. My point is you don't need a special day or special meal to come together with your family to express how thankful you are.

As you sit around the table to eat and give thanks, remember to bless the cook and remember those who are jobless, homeless, or don't have family.

Queen of Hearts

Monday, November 22, 2010

Coulda Woulda Shoulda

Hindsight is always 20 20 as it allows you to learn from your mistakes. Lately I've had a lot of time to reflect back over my life. Yesterday is history. I can't undo anything that has happened or didn't happen for me. Today the decisions I make will determine my tomorrow. So here are my coulda, woulda, shoulda list.

I coulda been more persistent.
I coulda taken more chances.
I coulda made better choices.
I coulda been more assertive.
I coulda spoke up for myself.

I woulda completed more if I didn't procrastinate.
I woulda achieved more if I believed in myself.
I woulda lived more if I wasn't living to please others.
I woulda implemented my great ideas if I wasn't a perfectionist.
I woulda been motivated if depression didn't consume me.

I shoulda took the time to love me.
I shoulda did the things that made me happy.
I shoulda had more self-confidence.
I shoulda had a daddy who loved, affirmed and protected me.
I shoulda had a husband who was not abusive.

 I live with no regrets. I am who I am because of all my life experiences. I believe that with all my  
gifts, talents ,faults, shortcomings, and idiosyncrasy, I'm still a good person with a lot to offer.

Queen of Hearts

Saturday, November 13, 2010

R. I. P. Mama

Mama you're the Queen of my Heart.
Catherine Williams July 28, 1932 - November 13, 1997

 November is usually a somber month for me. I still grieve for my mom. I never got to say goodbye. Today makes 13 years that my mother went to be with the Lord.

This November is bittersweet. Although I still grieve,  I was blessed to watch the birth of my fifth grandchild on November 9th . A beautiful baby girl who is a perfect reflection of God's grace.

I would give anything to pick up the phone and talk to my mother. She was the best mother in the world. Sometimes just hearing her voice made whatever I was going through at the time bearable.  She was full of wisdom, kind, generous, loving, thoughtful, and loved by everyone who knew her.  She was affectionately know as Mama Cat to her grandchildren who still talk how much they love and miss her. 

I find myself teaching my children the same things she taught me. Sometimes I use the exact words. Some of my mama's pearls of wisdom:

a. Manners - Saying please and thank you will take you a long way in life.

b. Visiting - Make your visits short. People will get tired of you. Know when to take your behind home.

c. Decisions - Always be willing to suffer the consequences of any decision you make good or bad.

d. Drugs & Alcohol - If it was good for you, I would have plenty of here for you.

e. Roof over your head - Always pay your rent if you don't pay anything else. You can sit in the dark in your own place and someone will always feed you. But people aren't willing to have you live with them.

f.  PDA - Don't allow anyone to  kiss, hug , grope and feel all over you in public. Always be a lady in public and be respectable.  What you do behind close doors as two consenting adults is your business and should always remain that way.

g. Truth - Your word is your bond. If you said you would, do it.  Always have integrity. The truth needs no proof.

h. Liars- Liars can't be trusted. If you lie you will steal and if you steal you will kill.  Liars have to always look over their shoulders and try to remember the lies they told.  

i. Jesus Moments - There will come a time in life when everything seems to go wrong, or you don't know what to do. No one can help you not even your mother. Just remember these are Jesus moments and know that nothing lasts forever, you will make it through and this too shall pass. Just call on Jesus and give Him time to work it out.

I could go on forever with the pearls my mother left me.  I can't remember them all in one sitting but, the appropriate one always come to mind when I need it.

 As I sat observing my daughter with her new baby,  I thanked God for three generations in the room.  At that moment I had an epiphany,  Matriarch of my family is my role. I am my mother's oldest living child. My brothers tell me I act like Mama Cat, my children tell me I remind them of Mama Cat. I accept that compliment and wear that moniker with pride. I know that I represent the best of my mother.

Now there is a new generation of children to love.  To them I am affectionately known as Nana and although they never got to personally meet Mama Cat,  her love and influence lives on  through me.

Queen of Hearts