Recently, I ended up in the Emergency Room because my blood pressure was 210/120. This was a wake up call for me as I have a family history of hypertension, diabetes and obesity. I get another chance to do this right. Thank God for his mercy and healing virtues.
As a child I spent a lot of time with my paternal grandmother who was a wonderful cook. As women we use food to show how much we love and care. Every celebration usually involved a huge feast. My grandmother was from Louisiana and she cooked rich, spicy, well seasoned dishes, which included greens, macaroni and cheese, dirty rice, yams, cabbage, beans, seafood, beef, fried chicken, ham, desserts and more. So many different aromas and textures that felt good in your mouth. She would spend all day Saturday cooking enough food to feed an army. On Sunday after church, everybody would gather at my grandmothers house and eat until they were stuffed. I regret that so many of her recipes went to the grave with her.
My affair with food started when I was young. I was a grandmother's baby so I was a little chubby. Back in the day, if you were chubby, the old folks would call you "fine" meaning you were healthy and strong. My grandmother made sure I was "fine." I would go back for seconds and thirds and ate all the desserts she made especially her chocolate brownies.
My journey with compulsive eating and sugar addiction started as a child. Whenever I was depressed, angry or happy, I ate. Food was consumed according to my emotions not because I was hungry. Food was my best friend it made me feel good, never hurt me or caused me pain. Food was like my lover, it meant everything to me and brought me such pleasure.
What I didn't realize is the food that I loved so much was literally killing me. Many of my health and weight issues are due to my compulsive eating, sugar cravings and out of control emotions.
Today I know that food is not my lover and definitely not my friend. Food could not fill the void of love I desperately craved. Food may have eased my pain temporarily but my pain continued. I didn't love myself and ate to hide my shame and low self-esteem.
My perspective on food has changed. I'm learning to love myself and deal with issues that were eating me. I no longer derive pleasure from food. I am practicing portion control and have incorporated more fruits and vegetables in my food choices. I am eating healthy and exercising more.
I have taken back my power!
Queen of Hearts